And so I embarked on the – (what makes me happy?) journey. Planning a wedding wasn’t working out to be as stress free as I had hoped it to be.
I’m not your typical bride either. I never planned on getting married as such. I was planning to be a bad Catholic girl who was going to live the rest of her life single.
My single didn’t mean nunnery though. No, my single meant that I would wake up next to the guy I was really willing to have children with but would never ever legally bind myself to. I wasn’t commitment phobic but I was dreading being left and divorced and I was just not willing to go through all that damage it could cause when you’re married.
Yes, textbook case I hear you laugh.
I was of course left like a hot potato and years later I realised that I was expecting this.
I’d complicated my own life. I’d decided way before he left me that he was evidently going to leave me.
You eventually get what you put out there. Don’t be surprised like I was when someone you expected to up and leave does exactly what you told him (although in your head) to do.
I had to spend a year alone. I had to get to know myself. I bought a journal and wrote to myself mot days. I wrote about what I liked to do. What I didn’t like to do. I told myself all the things I really wanted to try but was too shy to do because I was scared of what other people would think. (Read parents and family) so I went overseas – nice and far away and did them.
Some was really fun and some not such a good idea.
Lots of kissing. Lots of late nights.
The man I’m set to marry!
I have boundaries and tons of quirks and 20 pairs of shoes! (read lack of space for more) and I’m happy. I don’t always feel happy. I sometimes have to decide to be happy and I’m not as financially sound as I would like to be but I don’t have to do it alone anymore either.
I accept myself and I know from that list of things that I must do and want to do I’ll be able to finish it because he encourages me and when he doesn’t encourage me I encourage myself. I’ve found 5 people in my life who can inspire me. Who absolutely loves my crazy self. And I love them right back!
My world. The one I created is such a fun place to live in now. So much dancing and happiness.
My life’s uncomplicated. I still tend to complicate it from time to time but then I ask myself.
How true is this to you miss blogger?
In 5 years, how significant will this be?
Then you run off into the waves – naked!