So with a little more than a year to my own impending nuptials I picked up a copy of committed by Liz Gilbert and boy of boy did my little boat rock…
I was dramatically moved into action to find out just what the divorce percentage was for South Africans and Dutch nationals as … well … that’s who we are. I was glad to note that both countries hadn’t hit the 50% divorce rate as yet and that marriage was on the rise in South Africa and that women were more likely to leave their husbands than the other way round. Unless he ends up not needing you as he can cook for himself and do his own laundry and basically knows where the on switch is on the vacuum cleaner. So I started thinking that maybe my original idea of living together happily rather than adding the legality of the paper matter would be idealic but of course my fiance refused to buy into that and I’d already … most recently actually … purchased the dress. The shoes were no biggie I could always find a new outfit to go with the shoes and the oversized bag … I’m a bit of a fashionista that way.
Anyway I just kept thinking … do we really know what marriage is. We are co habitating now. We think that’s marriage but I’ve heard loads of people say that it all changes after you get that piece of paper. Right now he would like you to be submissive but when you’re his wife he actually expects you to be submissive which worries me a bit.
I have nothing against submissiveness (if that’s a word). I think that households are alot more stable with strong men who are neither spineless or controlling which then encourages me to want an equal partnership but then that’s sort of having your bread buttered on both sides. I really don’t like being controlled. Why else have I left my mother’s house? Not withstanding that my sibling was driving me up the wall but the controlling aspect at 21 was getting me down. Now at the ripe age of 26 which Liz says is the beginning age for a mature almost ready for marriage (woman) – I do miss home.
I already know my weaknesses and I like to think I know his but do we actually know what ourselves so well that when we happen to mention our weaknesses to our partners they then have nothing more to add to that list?
Food for thought.